The Journey........

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I came, I saw, I smashed that Plateau!!

Sixty! Oh yeah! Sixty! Woooo-woooo! After being plateau'd for a few weeks. I put on my eating healthy hat, my exercise hat, and took off my self-pity hat! Mind you, I looked strange wearing two hats around, but it worked!! I busted through that plateau and hit a milestone.

I've now lost 60 lbs on this weight loss journey. From the beginning of November until now, I have taken 60 lbs of fat and said "See ya!"

To reach 60 lbs. I had to hit 269 or lower.

I hit 269 yesterday to make it an even 60 lbs. But this morning, I'm at 268. Busting right through that 60 lbs.

What does 60 lbs mean? Well, let's see....
  1. I'm 3 lbs away from the lowest weight I can remember in the past 5-6 years.
  2. I've lost the equivalent of one of my dogs in weight!
  3. I'm seeing progress on the scale and feeling motivated.
  4. I've successfully made it out of the 320s, 310s, 300s, 290s, 280s, and 270s.
My next goal is to be at 250 before May 7th. It will be a stretch, that's 18 lbs in 48 days. I'm hoping if I push hard I can make it. I'm heading away for the weekend with some friends to Montreal, and when I hit 250 I promised myself a bit of a shopping excursion. I think it would be fitting to have new clothes before that trip!! :-)

Oh, I also got a mini fill on Thursday. Since I'm doing better with the weight loss, they didn't want to give me another cc, so I ended up with 0.5 ccs. I'm at 8.5 ccs in a 14 cc band now. Definitely feeling more restriction when I eat. Have felt stuck a few times, but it passed quickly. Since no PB or sliming - I know lot of you out there suffer with this and I feel for you each time I read about it.

Oh, so that's my story for now, milestone reached, next goal, mini fill.

Oh, and I hope to get back to post later with some clothes I have if anyone wants them. Need to go take some pictures and get them posted.


Friday, March 5, 2010


I've been really MIA from blogland for the last two weeks. It's been a struggle and I needed to take a bit of time away. I've been plateau'd again.

Actually, not really plateau'd I've been up, and back down, and up again. Every day seems to be more of the same. 2 lbs up, 1 lb down, 1 lb up, 2 lbs down, 2 lbs up. I just can't seem to break through. I've been exercising and eating ok, and my scale isn't moving.

In the past, 275 has been the weight that I've gotten to and then fallen off the diet and exercise wagon. Maybe it's a mental thing, I don't know. Either way, I've been hovering around the same weight, give or take a lb or two for nearly a month now.

I have a lot more to add, but I need to catch up on a ton of people's blogs, so I will add more later.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Not a charm... but another NSV to report

So, my third fill was not the charm. I'm still not feeling what I would hope restriction would feel like. Maybe not having felt it, I'm not sure what I should be feeling.

Either way, it seems like I can still eat more than the 1/2 cup at time.

On a positive note, I have an NSV to report. I can now fit into the smallest jeans that I own. As with most people, I have multiple sizes in my closet marking my weight fluctuations over the years. I have sizes 26 through 20.

Well, I can now fit into the size 20 jeans that I have! YAY!! That felt sooooo good when I tried them on this morning!!

Which also means that as I continue to lose weight and what I currently have doesn't fit, I will need to shop for new clothes in smaller sizes! For once I won't be outgrowing things and need a large size, it will be smaller sizes!!!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Third Time's a Charm??

I had my third fill yesterday which is good and bad.

  • Maybe I will start to feel some restriction?
  • Closer to my sweet spot?
  • The practice nurse did my fill and I really like her, great to talk to while I'm laying there having someone poking my belly! :-)
  • I'm down another 1.5 lbs. this morning.
  • I hit a plateau about a week back, so I'm hoping this fill stops me from hitting any more for a while.
  • I was on liquid after the fill which means only ate breakfast yesterday
  • I really don't like being on liquids. I feel grumpy.
  • I am on mushies again today, which is ok I guess, but still not real food.
  • My port has decided to make me aware of it's presence. Except for when it was healing right after surgery, I forget I have a port except when I obsess and feel around for it. Well, not in the last few days, I have been actually feeling my port when I move around. Which is a unique sensation and not one I like. Even more so after the fill, which is bugging me right now.
  • My doctor's office is jam packed with appointments. They have a new radio ad on a local station and it's generating a TON of interest for them. So, I can't get another appointment for 3 weeks. Which means if I have no restriction from this fill, I have to wait 3 weeks for another one. :-(
Here's hoping for restriction. My current goal is to hit 250 lbs before May 15th. (Though I'd like to do it sooner!) That will be 79 lbs. lost!

To reach that I have to lose 25 lbs. in the next 84 days. Which puts me at about 2 lbs. per week.

I have a wedding to attend in May, so I'd actually like to be under 250 before then, but we will see what the scale says!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


Well, as some of you may have noticed, I have been absent for a while. I haven't posted in over a week. And what a week it was..............

First, there was my goal of 50 lbs. by the Superbowl... which didn't happen for the Superbowl.

... and it didn't happen the next day, or the next day, or the next day....

well, you get the point. Basically, I was a good little bandster all week, I ate fairly well, I went to the gym 4 times, I did my couch to 5k walk/runs... but no, my scale hated me all week. And the scale at the gym was worse, it said I was up 2 lbs.... EEEKK!!

Sooooo... finally, after working at it a week, I did hit my goal, a week late. I have now lost 50 lbs. since starting this band journey.

Second, due to the above, some lay offs at work (thankfully I was safe), and just an overall funk, I've been out of sorts this past week.

Work was just tension filled. Stressed about having more to do with less people at work. It will get better, but not for a while, so this is just causing an overall tension in my life.

I'm really just annoyed at the lack of progress in the weight department. I know I shouldn't be, but there it is. I hit a plateau and I feel like crap. What do I do to combat this.....

Third, I fell off the wagon....

I fell HARD off the wagon... I still have to bumps and bruises!

I ate... and ate. I had nachos, and boneless buffalo wings, and reese's (these are my candy weakness. chocolately peanut buttery goodness... mmmmmmm) .... and it all tasted awesome.

Then I felt like crap. Just overly full and wished I could kick myself.

So, I got lugged my oversized butt back on to that wagon and decided not to let my funk get to me for too long. A week was enough!

Therefore, I am now back on track.

And I'm down another 1.5 lbs!!!

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Well... the three lbs. goal for this week didn't happen. I was really hoping I would make my own superbowl goal of 50 lbs. Not quite.... here's the details:

Lbs. lost this week: 2.5

Highest Weight - (11/15/09) - 329

Surgery was 12/3/09, I lost 20 lbs on pre-op diet - 309

Current Weight - (2/7/10) - 279.5

Total Lost: 49.5

.5 l bs! That's it! That all that stands between me and making my goal. But nooooooo.... I weighed myself like 5 times this morning and FOR ONCE, my scale came up with a consistent weight each time. It was taunting me, just saying 279.5 each time. Like HA HA, you didn't make it and I will prove it to you over, and over, and over again.

I will not allow myself to get depressed over this. I will not let this be disheartening. I must look on the positives.

I am down nearly 50 lbs!!

I have dropped a pant size!!

I may have missed my own goal date, but this is a long process, not a race!

Oh, and I will not let myself completely pig out at today's Superbowl party! The 6ccs doesn't seem to have given me any more restriction. I'm still eating as much as I could before.

That's it for now. Go SAINTS!

Friday, February 5, 2010

2 Month Bandiversary

Wrote this and intended to post it last night, but I got caught up in watching Zombieland (if you haven't seen it, it's hysterical!)..... so here it is...

.....I completely forgot that yesterday was two months since I received my band. I was very aware of my band yesterday because I just had a fill, so I was on mushies and SO hungry.

On most days, however, I tend to forget that I have a band until something reminds me. When I'm eating and have to remind myself to chew more, etc.

The weight loss is never far some my mind as I'm a bit obsessive about weighting myself. It's my morning ritual and I feel strange when I don't get to weigh myself. Last weekend when I was staying a a friends watching her daughter, I woke up, did my usual morning business in the bathroom, then looked for a scale....

GASP, she had no scale. I guess that's what you get when you're at someone's house who's fit and runs all the time... UGH :-D

So, yeah, that's my usual everyday ritual. Get up, head to the bathroom, take care of business, get out of my pjs, step on the scale and hope for a better number than the day before. It's a love/hate relationship.

After two months living with my band, here are the things that I have found:
  • Burping is a constant part of my life - I'll have to blog more on this later
  • I have to think about everything I eat and consider if this is something that might get stuck.
  • I have yet to PB or slime and I'm both grateful and worried about the first time.
  • I'm getting less obsessed with feeling my port, but I think that will return when there's less of a layer of fat over it!
  • I HATE being on a liquid diet. Love getting a fill, but hate that part that comes with it.
  • I read stories and blog on a daily basis of people who have had amazing success with the band, and I'm jealous and hoping I can be one of them in a year!
  • I'm impatient, when the scale doesn't move or something doesn't fit yet, I start feeling discouraged and upset.
  • My friends and family are a great cheering section, they are happy and proud of me, and I love them so much!
I'm sure there are a million more and I will write more when I think of them...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Gurgle, Gurgle, Gurgle

My stomach has been talking to me all day. It's been saying a mixture of the following:

"Mushies again, are you serious, I want real food!"

"You've been 'dieting' for over two months now, isn't this usually the time you quit?"

"What the hell is this thing you've put around me, please get it out now!"

"I didn't sign up for less food and this thing tightening around me and I don't like it!"

"Seriously, I want nachos and cheese, and pizza, and reese's, and ... and... "


Obviously, my stomach is a chatty cathy today. :-) It doesn't seem to realize yet that this band and food lifestyle change is permanent.

Guess I just have to live with the voice in my stomach until it adjusts!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Fill'er Up

Today was my follow up appointment with my surgeon. I had my first fill a little over a week ago and haven't felt any restriction. The practice nurse, who is awesome, told me to call back if I felt like I needed more and they would get me in.

This is a huge change from the initial discussion I had with my surgeon who told me that as long as I was losing I wouldn't get a fill. Not the case, I talked it over the the nurse and my surgeon, played a little bit of advocate for myself and now I'm on my second fill.

So, today's fill went really quick. Took my surgeon a few minutes to fill me up again. Then did a quick barium swallow to make sure I wasn't too full. Drank down some barium... mmmm, NOT! Then had a bit of water. Everything stayed down, so I was good to go.

I now have a total of 6cc's!!

3cc's from the first fill and another 3 added today.

Hopefully I will start to feel some restriction, but for the night, I'm on liquids. Then onto mushies tomorrow, and full food on Friday. So, we will see how I feel on Friday.

I'm really hoping this fill helps me gets to my personal Super Bowl Goal of 50 lbs!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Three pounds....

It's been a long weekend. I headed out west... Western Massachusetts that is, to watch my best friend's daughter for the weekend. My friend and her husband really needed an adult get away weekend. Their first since their daughter was born. She's three now, so I'd say they were WAY overdue!

My niece decided to come with me, so it was a bit surreal. I had a 12 year old and a 3 year old for the weekend. Instant parenthood weekend!

It wasn't that bad, the 3 year old missed her parents and the 12 year old is all pre-teenage angsty, so it made for an interesting weekend. The 3 year old was up around 5-6 AM, but the 12 year old wanted to stay up late with me, so I am SOOOO TIRED!! *YAWN*

Here are the two kiddos out at lunch, sorry it's a bit blurry. Need a new cell phone.

Oh, and my title... That is my goal for this week. That will put me at my second goal of 50 lbs! YAY!!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Survery says..... or rather, Scale says....

My scale says I didn't kill myself with my stress eating yesterday. In fact, there is no change from the last few days. That's why I was hoping for a fill, so I could feel some restriction and start losing more. But it will have to wait until next week.

Otherwise, things are going well. I put on a pair of pants yesterday that I hadn't worn in quite a while which felt nice. They are a 24, so I wasn' t that happy, but they are a 24 I have never been able to wear when the rest of my 24s fit. I could only ever wear them when I was in a 20 or 22, so I count them as a 22. :-)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Bad Day

Today was a bad day.
  • I had an appointment to get another fill as I am not feeling restriction, but I had to cancel due to a work meeting I got called into.
  • My mother was laid off and is really upset.
  • My sister called me freaking out because she couldn't get a hold of my niece who's 12 after she got out of school. She is supposed to call immediately when she gets home. Then when she tried to call my niece's cell phone and older guy answered then hung up and wouldn't pick up the phone again. Everything turned out ok, but you can imagine the fear and thoughts running through everyone's heads. After involving the police, it turned out fine and was due to a mis-communication by my niece's school and a lost cell phone, but it was a tense and stressful afternoon.
  • Due to all that, I stress ate a bit and now I'm upset with myself. We'll have to see what kind of damage I did in the morning on the scale.
Here's hoping tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Ho Hum

Yesterday and today are dreary, raining, gray days around here. Look outside and everything just looks.. dull. Which has put me in a bit of a ho hum mood.

That and I still have no restriction, so I will be phoning my dr. office today to see if I can get in there before my next appointment and get another fill. I'll let you all know how that conversation goes.

Oh yeah, and my latest obsession is feeling my port. Weird I know, but now that I know where it is and can feel it under my skin if I squish around, I keep feeling it all the time. I don't know why really, I guess I think it's kind of cool or bizarre maybe.

And I've also been having other people feel it too. My sister, my niece, my mom, have all received the 'Come on, feel my port. You know, you want to feel it' talk from me. Each gave a resounding - 'EW, Weird!'

The only one I haven't had really feel it is my boyfriend. He probably has felt it unknowingly, but for some reason, I don't want my port to be in the top of his mind when his hands are on my stomach! ;-)

Otherwise, things are going well, I indulged a bit last night and had some ice cream. No Sugar Added Cookie Dough, so it's not a huge amount of calories, so I don't feel that bad. I'm still way under my BMR for the day, so that is good.

I do have the need to 'tsk tsk' myself. I was supposed to start the Couch to 5K on Sunday, but football party ended up taking precedence and I didn't. So, I will be starting that tomorrow instead. A bit of a delay, but I really need to push myself on this. I'm not a runner, never have been. When I had to run the mile in High School - I hated it! and it was more of a walk the mile for me.

For a positive note, tonight my wonderful boyfriend got me tickets to see one of my favorite bands, Shinedown. So, I'll be rocking at the House of Blues in Boston tonight with them and Puddle of Mudd. YAY!

Off to straighten my hair - JOY!

Monday, January 25, 2010


So, I'm driving to work this morning. Running late as usual, stuck in traffic, and knowing I'm going to be late for my boss' staff meeting. Pretty typical start to my day. I'm perpetually running late and I blame my mom, she's the exact same way. :-)

On the radio, they are talking about the Hope for Haiti teleathon/concert and then they play the song that Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris did, "Hallelujah".

Now, I have always been a fan of this song, both the original Leaonard Cohen version and the Jeff Buckley version. If you weren't intorduced to Jeff Buckley before his death in 1997, his CD Grace is absolutely amazing.

Here I am this morning, sitting in traffic, listening to this song, and all of a sudden I'm crying. Just pouring tears in my car. The song is beautiful, haunting even. The vocals of Timberlake and Morris were wonderful. And the overall song, with the cause it was used for this time, just brought me to tears. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you check it out on iTunes. If you have time, check out both the Timberlake version and Jeff Buckley's version.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Food and the Gym

After my fill on Friday I was on liquids. Yesterday was mushies. Applesauce and Mashed Potatoes got me through the day. With some cheese on the potatoes for protein of course! :-)

Today I'm back on regular food and we will see how it goes. I didn't really feel restriction with the mushies, so we will see how regular food goes down. I'm hoping to feel some restriction, but I'm not sure if I will yet. At 3ccs, does sound like anyone had really good restriction.

Then I am headed to the gym today to start the couch to 5K. This involved two of my goals. One - to complete this program and start jogging/running and Two - to run a 5K race on Thanksgiving of this year. Hopefully, I can get the program going and start jogging as part of my gym routine. By Thanksgiving maybe I can keep up with my friends who are going to run the 5K with me!

On another note, here's a picture of me and my boyfriend. It's from 2 years ago, when I was approximately the same weight I am now. Sad that I put on over 40 lbs in two years. UGH!

Saturday, January 23, 2010


YAY! I am happy to report that I had my first fill yesterday! My doctor's appointment was in the afternoon and to be honest I wasn't expecting a fill. Last time I was there, I was told that as long as I continued to lose 1-2 lbs a week, I wouldn't see a fill.

Well, not true as it turns out. I met with the office nurse, who was wonderful. We talked about how much I can eat (umm, a LOT!) and if I feel any restriction (No!). Then she asked if I wanted my first fill.....

Ummm, Hell Yes!

So, then onto the fill, which was I guess what I expected, but a little weird. Novocaine around the area first, so I felt three little stings. Then lots of pressure as the fill needle was inserted. No pain, just pressure of pushing onto the port. Then in a few minutes it was done. 3ccs in!

Drank a bit of water, no problems there.

I'm was on liquid last night and mushies today, but back on regular food tomorrow.

And, I was told if I don't feel any restriction over the next few days, I can call and come back in for more!

I was a bit bummed, thinking my doctor was going to be super conservative, but I guess not, and I'm really going to advocate for myself on this and make sure when I feel like I need a fill, that my doctor listens to me.

On another positive note, I wore a pair of size 22 jeans yesterday that hadn't fit in a while! :-)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

What is up with Sizing?

Some of the 22s fit and some did not at all, so I guess some of my 24s will stay around for a little bit longer.

It amazes me the range that exists within one size. I'm trying to weed through my closet now and I have 20s, 22s, 24s, and some 26s. Oh wait, then the wonderful (or devious) people at certain stores decided that I guess plus sizes were all wrong, so I also have these weird 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 things in shirts and pants. Ok, the 1, 2, 3, I kind of get in shirts as it equates to the 1x, 2x, 3x, but then you have the new pant sizing from Lane and well, it's just too confusing!!

Sorry, back to the fit. The 26s are now way to big across the board. Some of the 24s are almost falling off, but some are just loose.

Most are really loose in the butt! Less junk in my trunk! :-)

Ok I can understand a bit of difference in jeans, but this seems a bit excessive. Then I go through my 22s and it's more of the same. The first pair I grab to try on, I can't even button. The next pair I can button, zip, and feel comfortable, not too tight, just a really good fit. What gives? Why can't sizes be more uniform? Am I down to a 22 when one pair fits or when they all fit??

On a totally unrelated note, our newest addition came home yesterday:
Adopted him from a local shelter. He's really skinny right now, which is hard to tell from this photo. Poor guy was picked up as stray, had an owner who never came to claim him, so he spent almost 3 months at the shelter. So while I'm loosing weight, another of my goals is to fatten him up!! :-) Kind of ironic.

He's still getting used to us, the house, and our other dog, but so far so good. Other than waking me up every 2 hours during the night to go out or jump on me!

Ok enough for now, back to work!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Snow, Shopping and Fingers Crossed

So this morning brings - a beautiful winter scene. Looks really pretty, love walking up to a snowy morning. However, that means snow and slush all over the roads by my house, but I hear the main roads and highways are pretty clear.

Which is good because I promised my niece I'd bring her dress shopping today. She's old twelve, but she has her first semi-formal this year. UGH! Isn't she too young for that? Anyway, I'm off to find an age appropriate dress that doesn't have her spilling out over the top or hanging out under the bottom. Good luck since everything I've seen so far seems to be low cut and up the you know what!! :-)

Meanwhile, I'll be thinking inside how I'd personally like to be able to wear something that low cut and up the you know what myself!! ;-)

And since I will be out shopping, I've decided to go try on some new jeans. I won't be buying anything yet because like most, I have a closet of sizes of clothes ranging from 20 to 24, even a few 26's. Right now, the 24s are really baggy, so I going to try on some 22s in the store. My own 22s are probably a bit stretched out, so I'd like to try some new ones in the store to see if they fit or not. Fingers Crossed!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Little Bit about Me...

I've been overweight most of my life. I was a chunky child, who became and overweight teenager, who became a fat college student, who became an obese adult. Seriously, I can't remember a time when my weight wasn't an issue for me. It's always been there, a dark gloomy cloud over everything.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't in a state of depression or anything, just always painfully aware of my weight, how that made me feel about myself, and how I thought others perceived me. Sure, I've had my share of painful moments due to being overweight. You know, kids are cruel and all that. Well, adults aren't much better, but for the most part I'm a pretty happy person.

I'm always laughing about something and I enjoy just living life, experiencing new things, and having fun.

So, onto my reason for blogging now. Throughout my life, I've seen my weight creep up and up and UP. A few times, I've successfully dropped 20-30 lbs, only to put it all back on plus when I stopped dieting. I've done it all, the typical stuff - low carb, weight watchers, jenny craig, etc, etc, etc....

I've thought of weight loss surgery before. My sister has gastric bypass and I knew that wasn't really for me, so I starting researching the lap-band. In the middle of 2009, I got serious about it and started the process of meeting my surgeon and all the pre-op requirements. It took about 3 months to complete all the pre-reqs and I received a surgery date of December 3rd, 2009.

Ok the hard truth....
At my consultation with my surgeon I weighed.... 325 lbs. (GASP!!!)
(At that point, my heaviest weight ever)

Then my boyfriend and I went on a cruise. We had an amazing trip, and of course, there was lots of food!

When I came back, I was tipping the scale at 329 lbs!!! OH THE HORROR!

Have I mentioned that I'm 5'4", that is a LOT of weight on my frame! So now, officially, my highest weight was 329 lbs.

Prior to surgery, my doctor wanted me to get close to 300 lbs. and I also had a 10 day liquid diet pre-op. By the time my surgery date came, I was down to 309 lbs. A 20 lb. difference! And hopefully the start of an amazing weight loss story.

Surgery was pretty much what I expected. The first week was pretty rough with gas pain and nausea, but after that, I've felt pretty good.

I'm now close to a month and a half post-surgery and I'm down 42 lbs. as of today.

I have not had a fill yet. My surgeon policy is to wait at least 6 weeks post-op for a fill, however, he also wants to gauge weight loss. So, as long as I continue to lose 1-2 lbs. per week, I won't be getting a fill yet. This was disappointing to being with, but then I realized, I'm still losing, so fill or no fill, I should be happy with that.

Ok, enough about me for now..... more to come soon!

Step 1 - Stop Lurking and Start Blogging

For the last few months, I've been reading forums, pouring through blogs, learning about other people's weight loss journeys. I've hear about your successes, big and small. Those huge successes measured by that evil little instrument some call a scale, but I call my nemesis. The smaller successes (but no less important) like fitting into that shirt or those jeans again (or for the first time). I've also read about your struggles, with food, weight gain, with self-confidence, with yourselves. And all that time, I've been just lurking, reading, commiserating.

So, I decided it was time to stop prowling around everyone else's blogs and start my own. So......

TA - DA!!

Here I am. My very own blog! Starting today, I'll be sharing my own story. I know I'll share my weight loss journey, my own successes and struggles, but I'm sure I'll also share some of my thoughts on life in general as well.