The Journey........

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Three pounds....

It's been a long weekend. I headed out west... Western Massachusetts that is, to watch my best friend's daughter for the weekend. My friend and her husband really needed an adult get away weekend. Their first since their daughter was born. She's three now, so I'd say they were WAY overdue!

My niece decided to come with me, so it was a bit surreal. I had a 12 year old and a 3 year old for the weekend. Instant parenthood weekend!

It wasn't that bad, the 3 year old missed her parents and the 12 year old is all pre-teenage angsty, so it made for an interesting weekend. The 3 year old was up around 5-6 AM, but the 12 year old wanted to stay up late with me, so I am SOOOO TIRED!! *YAWN*

Here are the two kiddos out at lunch, sorry it's a bit blurry. Need a new cell phone.

Oh, and my title... That is my goal for this week. That will put me at my second goal of 50 lbs! YAY!!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Survery says..... or rather, Scale says....

My scale says I didn't kill myself with my stress eating yesterday. In fact, there is no change from the last few days. That's why I was hoping for a fill, so I could feel some restriction and start losing more. But it will have to wait until next week.

Otherwise, things are going well. I put on a pair of pants yesterday that I hadn't worn in quite a while which felt nice. They are a 24, so I wasn' t that happy, but they are a 24 I have never been able to wear when the rest of my 24s fit. I could only ever wear them when I was in a 20 or 22, so I count them as a 22. :-)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Bad Day

Today was a bad day.
  • I had an appointment to get another fill as I am not feeling restriction, but I had to cancel due to a work meeting I got called into.
  • My mother was laid off and is really upset.
  • My sister called me freaking out because she couldn't get a hold of my niece who's 12 after she got out of school. She is supposed to call immediately when she gets home. Then when she tried to call my niece's cell phone and older guy answered then hung up and wouldn't pick up the phone again. Everything turned out ok, but you can imagine the fear and thoughts running through everyone's heads. After involving the police, it turned out fine and was due to a mis-communication by my niece's school and a lost cell phone, but it was a tense and stressful afternoon.
  • Due to all that, I stress ate a bit and now I'm upset with myself. We'll have to see what kind of damage I did in the morning on the scale.
Here's hoping tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Ho Hum

Yesterday and today are dreary, raining, gray days around here. Look outside and everything just looks.. dull. Which has put me in a bit of a ho hum mood.

That and I still have no restriction, so I will be phoning my dr. office today to see if I can get in there before my next appointment and get another fill. I'll let you all know how that conversation goes.

Oh yeah, and my latest obsession is feeling my port. Weird I know, but now that I know where it is and can feel it under my skin if I squish around, I keep feeling it all the time. I don't know why really, I guess I think it's kind of cool or bizarre maybe.

And I've also been having other people feel it too. My sister, my niece, my mom, have all received the 'Come on, feel my port. You know, you want to feel it' talk from me. Each gave a resounding - 'EW, Weird!'

The only one I haven't had really feel it is my boyfriend. He probably has felt it unknowingly, but for some reason, I don't want my port to be in the top of his mind when his hands are on my stomach! ;-)

Otherwise, things are going well, I indulged a bit last night and had some ice cream. No Sugar Added Cookie Dough, so it's not a huge amount of calories, so I don't feel that bad. I'm still way under my BMR for the day, so that is good.

I do have the need to 'tsk tsk' myself. I was supposed to start the Couch to 5K on Sunday, but football party ended up taking precedence and I didn't. So, I will be starting that tomorrow instead. A bit of a delay, but I really need to push myself on this. I'm not a runner, never have been. When I had to run the mile in High School - I hated it! and it was more of a walk the mile for me.

For a positive note, tonight my wonderful boyfriend got me tickets to see one of my favorite bands, Shinedown. So, I'll be rocking at the House of Blues in Boston tonight with them and Puddle of Mudd. YAY!

Off to straighten my hair - JOY!

Monday, January 25, 2010


So, I'm driving to work this morning. Running late as usual, stuck in traffic, and knowing I'm going to be late for my boss' staff meeting. Pretty typical start to my day. I'm perpetually running late and I blame my mom, she's the exact same way. :-)

On the radio, they are talking about the Hope for Haiti teleathon/concert and then they play the song that Justin Timberlake and Matt Morris did, "Hallelujah".

Now, I have always been a fan of this song, both the original Leaonard Cohen version and the Jeff Buckley version. If you weren't intorduced to Jeff Buckley before his death in 1997, his CD Grace is absolutely amazing.

Here I am this morning, sitting in traffic, listening to this song, and all of a sudden I'm crying. Just pouring tears in my car. The song is beautiful, haunting even. The vocals of Timberlake and Morris were wonderful. And the overall song, with the cause it was used for this time, just brought me to tears. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you check it out on iTunes. If you have time, check out both the Timberlake version and Jeff Buckley's version.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Food and the Gym

After my fill on Friday I was on liquids. Yesterday was mushies. Applesauce and Mashed Potatoes got me through the day. With some cheese on the potatoes for protein of course! :-)

Today I'm back on regular food and we will see how it goes. I didn't really feel restriction with the mushies, so we will see how regular food goes down. I'm hoping to feel some restriction, but I'm not sure if I will yet. At 3ccs, does sound like anyone had really good restriction.

Then I am headed to the gym today to start the couch to 5K. This involved two of my goals. One - to complete this program and start jogging/running and Two - to run a 5K race on Thanksgiving of this year. Hopefully, I can get the program going and start jogging as part of my gym routine. By Thanksgiving maybe I can keep up with my friends who are going to run the 5K with me!

On another note, here's a picture of me and my boyfriend. It's from 2 years ago, when I was approximately the same weight I am now. Sad that I put on over 40 lbs in two years. UGH!

Saturday, January 23, 2010


YAY! I am happy to report that I had my first fill yesterday! My doctor's appointment was in the afternoon and to be honest I wasn't expecting a fill. Last time I was there, I was told that as long as I continued to lose 1-2 lbs a week, I wouldn't see a fill.

Well, not true as it turns out. I met with the office nurse, who was wonderful. We talked about how much I can eat (umm, a LOT!) and if I feel any restriction (No!). Then she asked if I wanted my first fill.....

Ummm, Hell Yes!

So, then onto the fill, which was I guess what I expected, but a little weird. Novocaine around the area first, so I felt three little stings. Then lots of pressure as the fill needle was inserted. No pain, just pressure of pushing onto the port. Then in a few minutes it was done. 3ccs in!

Drank a bit of water, no problems there.

I'm was on liquid last night and mushies today, but back on regular food tomorrow.

And, I was told if I don't feel any restriction over the next few days, I can call and come back in for more!

I was a bit bummed, thinking my doctor was going to be super conservative, but I guess not, and I'm really going to advocate for myself on this and make sure when I feel like I need a fill, that my doctor listens to me.

On another positive note, I wore a pair of size 22 jeans yesterday that hadn't fit in a while! :-)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

What is up with Sizing?

Some of the 22s fit and some did not at all, so I guess some of my 24s will stay around for a little bit longer.

It amazes me the range that exists within one size. I'm trying to weed through my closet now and I have 20s, 22s, 24s, and some 26s. Oh wait, then the wonderful (or devious) people at certain stores decided that I guess plus sizes were all wrong, so I also have these weird 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 things in shirts and pants. Ok, the 1, 2, 3, I kind of get in shirts as it equates to the 1x, 2x, 3x, but then you have the new pant sizing from Lane and well, it's just too confusing!!

Sorry, back to the fit. The 26s are now way to big across the board. Some of the 24s are almost falling off, but some are just loose.

Most are really loose in the butt! Less junk in my trunk! :-)

Ok I can understand a bit of difference in jeans, but this seems a bit excessive. Then I go through my 22s and it's more of the same. The first pair I grab to try on, I can't even button. The next pair I can button, zip, and feel comfortable, not too tight, just a really good fit. What gives? Why can't sizes be more uniform? Am I down to a 22 when one pair fits or when they all fit??

On a totally unrelated note, our newest addition came home yesterday:
Adopted him from a local shelter. He's really skinny right now, which is hard to tell from this photo. Poor guy was picked up as stray, had an owner who never came to claim him, so he spent almost 3 months at the shelter. So while I'm loosing weight, another of my goals is to fatten him up!! :-) Kind of ironic.

He's still getting used to us, the house, and our other dog, but so far so good. Other than waking me up every 2 hours during the night to go out or jump on me!

Ok enough for now, back to work!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Snow, Shopping and Fingers Crossed

So this morning brings - a beautiful winter scene. Looks really pretty, love walking up to a snowy morning. However, that means snow and slush all over the roads by my house, but I hear the main roads and highways are pretty clear.

Which is good because I promised my niece I'd bring her dress shopping today. She's old twelve, but she has her first semi-formal this year. UGH! Isn't she too young for that? Anyway, I'm off to find an age appropriate dress that doesn't have her spilling out over the top or hanging out under the bottom. Good luck since everything I've seen so far seems to be low cut and up the you know what!! :-)

Meanwhile, I'll be thinking inside how I'd personally like to be able to wear something that low cut and up the you know what myself!! ;-)

And since I will be out shopping, I've decided to go try on some new jeans. I won't be buying anything yet because like most, I have a closet of sizes of clothes ranging from 20 to 24, even a few 26's. Right now, the 24s are really baggy, so I going to try on some 22s in the store. My own 22s are probably a bit stretched out, so I'd like to try some new ones in the store to see if they fit or not. Fingers Crossed!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Little Bit about Me...

I've been overweight most of my life. I was a chunky child, who became and overweight teenager, who became a fat college student, who became an obese adult. Seriously, I can't remember a time when my weight wasn't an issue for me. It's always been there, a dark gloomy cloud over everything.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't in a state of depression or anything, just always painfully aware of my weight, how that made me feel about myself, and how I thought others perceived me. Sure, I've had my share of painful moments due to being overweight. You know, kids are cruel and all that. Well, adults aren't much better, but for the most part I'm a pretty happy person.

I'm always laughing about something and I enjoy just living life, experiencing new things, and having fun.

So, onto my reason for blogging now. Throughout my life, I've seen my weight creep up and up and UP. A few times, I've successfully dropped 20-30 lbs, only to put it all back on plus when I stopped dieting. I've done it all, the typical stuff - low carb, weight watchers, jenny craig, etc, etc, etc....

I've thought of weight loss surgery before. My sister has gastric bypass and I knew that wasn't really for me, so I starting researching the lap-band. In the middle of 2009, I got serious about it and started the process of meeting my surgeon and all the pre-op requirements. It took about 3 months to complete all the pre-reqs and I received a surgery date of December 3rd, 2009.

Ok the hard truth....
At my consultation with my surgeon I weighed.... 325 lbs. (GASP!!!)
(At that point, my heaviest weight ever)

Then my boyfriend and I went on a cruise. We had an amazing trip, and of course, there was lots of food!

When I came back, I was tipping the scale at 329 lbs!!! OH THE HORROR!

Have I mentioned that I'm 5'4", that is a LOT of weight on my frame! So now, officially, my highest weight was 329 lbs.

Prior to surgery, my doctor wanted me to get close to 300 lbs. and I also had a 10 day liquid diet pre-op. By the time my surgery date came, I was down to 309 lbs. A 20 lb. difference! And hopefully the start of an amazing weight loss story.

Surgery was pretty much what I expected. The first week was pretty rough with gas pain and nausea, but after that, I've felt pretty good.

I'm now close to a month and a half post-surgery and I'm down 42 lbs. as of today.

I have not had a fill yet. My surgeon policy is to wait at least 6 weeks post-op for a fill, however, he also wants to gauge weight loss. So, as long as I continue to lose 1-2 lbs. per week, I won't be getting a fill yet. This was disappointing to being with, but then I realized, I'm still losing, so fill or no fill, I should be happy with that.

Ok, enough about me for now..... more to come soon!

Step 1 - Stop Lurking and Start Blogging

For the last few months, I've been reading forums, pouring through blogs, learning about other people's weight loss journeys. I've hear about your successes, big and small. Those huge successes measured by that evil little instrument some call a scale, but I call my nemesis. The smaller successes (but no less important) like fitting into that shirt or those jeans again (or for the first time). I've also read about your struggles, with food, weight gain, with self-confidence, with yourselves. And all that time, I've been just lurking, reading, commiserating.

So, I decided it was time to stop prowling around everyone else's blogs and start my own. So......

TA - DA!!

Here I am. My very own blog! Starting today, I'll be sharing my own story. I know I'll share my weight loss journey, my own successes and struggles, but I'm sure I'll also share some of my thoughts on life in general as well.